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3 Tips to Get Control of Your Life During a Divorce

Hi. I’m Liz Camaur, founder of Camaur Crampton Family Law. I’m a California certified family law specialist and I’ve been representing clients in divorce since 1993. When facing a divorce, you should consult with a trusted and knowledgeable family law attorney to gain perspective on the issues that will impact your family’s future, and having the right attorney makes the difference. Meeting with a lawyer does not lock you into a divorce and many people wait too long to reach out. The best divorce attorneys will be able to help you get into a much better situation whether or not you end up divorcing. I promised you three tips to help you get control over your life when facing divorce.

Tip number one, how to know if you should file for divorce. Clients ask me all the time whether they should get a divorce. I can’t answer that for them. That is something only they can decide. It’s a difficult decision especially when children are involved, and trust me, I understand. I’ve been through

A few years before my divorce was filed, I prepared divorce papers and then I tore them up when it got to the part asking for information about the children. I felt like I should stay married for the children. It took me a few more years to realize that marriage was a role model for our children. I asked myself. If I fast forward 30 years and picture my daughter in my shoes in this relationship, what would I tell her? Would I want her to stick this out? Do I want this to be her role model of a relationship? While I might have been willing to sacrifice my happiness for my child, I would never want her in my situation that made my decision crystal clear. So if you are uncertain whether you should file for divorce, imagine someone you love in your shoes in this marriage. Whatever you would advise them to do is probably what you should do.

Tip number two, if you decide that divorce is the best option, then focus on your future goals. Don’t waste your emotions looking in the rear view mirror at the blame and regret. Every problem can be an opportunity if approached strategically. Instead of wasting your energy on the past, you should outline your goals over the next three years, five years and 10 years. With these goals in mind, we can strategize your divorce to promote those goals. For example, many clients tell me that they want to stay in their house. Given the uncertainty of divorce where all of your highest priorities are at risk, it is understandable that moving from your home may be the last thing you want to do.

You want to feel some certainty. However, if your goal is to move to Colorado in three years to be closer to family, it may not make sense to keep the house. In most cases, if the home is allocated to you during the divorce, it will be equalized by the flat equity in the home. We don’t take into account the capital gains taxes or the brokers fees to sell the home. So you would be buying the home from your spouse at a premium and then you would be selling it shortly thereafter and taking on the brokers fees and capital gains taxes on your own. Now if you want to live in that house the rest of your life, then that is different. We need to understand your goals to strategize.

Divorce can be a fabulous opportunity for a new beginning, much like a high school graduation. Life will be different but you have a host of opportunities available to you. Do you want to move, change careers, start a business, retire? If we know your goals during the process, we can strategize this divorce to help you work towards your new life. Instead of being reactionary and focusing on the blame and regret, our office proactively looks ahead and strategizes each case for our clients’ unique goals.

Tip number three, use the problems in your marriage to build up better life. The people we admire in life aren’t the ones who’ve had it easy. No. It’s usually the ones who have had horrible problems and turned those problems into an amazing endeavor. Too many people are stuck in being a victim. But in most cases, you chose to marry this person and you saw the red flags and chose to be there. I’m not saying that all the problems are your fault, but you should take some responsibility to figure out why you were attracted to this problem.

Many domestic violence victims will stay in the relationship despite six, seven, eight incidents of domestic violence, and most of our clients knew the problems existed and yet stayed in the marriage. If you don’t figure out why you were attracted to this pattern of problems, you are very likely to end up with the same type of relationship in the future. So do some serious soul searching and work to learn from the divorce. This could very well be one of the best things that ever happened to you.

The decisions you make during a family law case affect you and your children the rest of your lives. No one should make these decisions lightly or without great legal advice. Above all, you want an attorney who has expertise in family law and who you can trust to work for your interests. At Camaur Crampton Family Law, we strategize your case for your goals. Every problem can be an opportunity in life and having the right attorney makes the difference.

If you are ready to take control over your life, you are in the right place. Call our office. You can schedule an initial consultation. And remember, when you face a family law crisis, having the right attorney makes the difference.

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